A Grade Is Not Your Worth: Finals Week Reflection

stress

If I had brown hair, this is seriously what I would look like right now

 

Krista’s D-day: Wednesday, May 4, 2016, 1:30PM

That is the time of my biggest, most stressful final of the year. I have spent FIVE WHOLE DAYS (minus eating, sleeping, ext.) preparing for this one stinkin’ 2 hour exam. I gave up Netflix, stopped talking to family at home, and neglected studying for all my other finals just to prepare for this test. And, you know what? I may still fail.

The only thing more stressful in my entire academic career than this test was the LSAT, which is saying a lot. I have re-read every work (and it’s a literature class), looked at the Sparknotes for each work, read over notes, watched youtube videos, LITERALLY EVERYTHING I could possibly do to prepare for this test. And, sadly, the material is not sticking. I struggle to remember the quotes, the dates, the types of sonnets.

Usually, I would not be this stressed about a test. However, I have tied a significant, and honestly pathetic, amount of my self-worth to this test.

I’m convinced the professor for this class does not like me, and, throughout the semester, I have become dedicated to somehow proving to him that I am smart enough, good enough, English-major-like-enough for his approval. I have sought his approval continually, only to feel rejected. I had decided after the mid-term that the final would be where I proved once in for all my worth to him.

Honestly, who else has been there?

Have you become so preoccupied desiring to prove to a boss, a co-worker, a friend, a coach, a teacher, a boyfriend, that you are good enough for them that it has become an obsession? Well, I have this week.

As I was curled up on in a ball in my room, sobbing 15 minutes ago with frustration and fear, I really felt God whisper to me, “My Child, this does NOT define your worth.” And I was overcome with peace.

Therefore, readers, whoever you are to happen to stumble upon this blog, I want to remind you that YOUR WORTH IS NOT DETERMINED BY A TEST, A SCORE, OR ANYTHING ELSE. Your worth comes from God. Nothing can change that.

On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.~1 Thes. 2:4

xoxo

Krista

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